well its been way too long since ive been in

its been awhile  so where to begin   smh  why do people who shun you push you off to the wayside for others and other things get offended when you finally explode and confront them about it  and try and make them see your point of view?  and this is after ten years. why must everything be a battle over things that shouldn't be a battle if you are trying your best not fall again why would you associate with people doing the things that increase your chances of falling again it makes no logical sense to me.  how does one consider someone a friend while they "helped" them in a situation  they also exasperated the situation all along before they "helped" you. all the while the person that would rush the gates of Hades for you  you purposely lied and deceived this person about your actions with this friendly "helper" and yet you are the bad one for exploding and freaking the fuck out about it which ironically would hypocritically freak the fuck out 10x worse then you did .  and im not the only one who thinks this way about the "little helper" the person helped own flesh and blood feels exactly the same as i do and to be quite honest at this point im more concerned for their feelings and concerned then the offended one feelings at this point because im a firm believer that you dont get to complain when the gunshot woulnd is self inflicted and you refused to help stop the bleeding yourself    well thats all for now im sure more will follow as this adventure is far from over im sure