well its been way too long since ive been in

its been awhile  so where to begin   smh  why do people who shun you push you off to the wayside for others and other things get offended when you finally explode and confront them about it  and try and make them see your point of view?  and this is after ten years. why must everything be a battle over things that shouldn't be a battle if you are trying your best not fall again why would you associate with people doing the things that increase your chances of falling again it makes no logical sense to me.  how does one consider someone a friend while they "helped" them in a situation  they also exasperated the situation all along before they "helped" you. all the while the person that would rush the gates of Hades for you  you purposely lied and deceived this person about your actions with this friendly "helper" and yet you are the bad one for exploding and freaking the fuck out about it which ironically would hypocritically freak the fuck out 10x worse then you did .  and im not the only one who thinks this way about the "little helper" the person helped own flesh and blood feels exactly the same as i do and to be quite honest at this point im more concerned for their feelings and concerned then the offended one feelings at this point because im a firm believer that you dont get to complain when the gunshot woulnd is self inflicted and you refused to help stop the bleeding yourself    well thats all for now im sure more will follow as this adventure is far from over im sure

me and the gf have recently gone through a rough patch which was actually par for the course for the year 2012 as it as one of the roughest years either of us have endured  personally and professionally and long the way in this tumultuous year we et the little things of life snowball into big things  and affect us in ways that it never should have and as we sat there on new years eve we both agreed that 2013 will be a bounce back year .so it got me thinking  how do we do this and i came across an article of a couple who situation was similar to ours and they almost divorced over it they were ordered to mediation by a divorce judge who could see on both of their faces that neither of them actually wanted a divorce so this couple did as ordered and the mediator hands them 2 index cards and tells them right 5 things down that you built your relationship upon and lost along the way and they did as told and they worked at these things and suffice to say in the article that they both feel that they are even stronger then before they had their problem and so me and gf did this and it alarmed me that are answers were sitting right in our minds but they were answers that im sure millions of people round the world can or could relate too

                                     1. fidelity
                                     2. honesty
                                     3. communication
                                     4. respect each others feelings
                                     5. attention to one another
                                     6. show the love that you feel toward one anothe
                                     7. intimacy/ affection 
                                     8. making time for one another

broken wings

today the butterfly was released back into the wild it is my every hope that the butterfly's wings heal and she can soar again as she could not with me

strides

how do you make strides in things with a person who treats your emotions as an amusement and then when you say something about it they dont even bother to respond   yes i know some of you might say what? wtf?   but as we all know when someone is your all you do crazy shit like wish and hope that they see that if takes you aback and depresses you when they do these things they would recognize it and address it . and ironically they guard there feelings like a saber tooth cat and if you impede on them or have perceived them wrong some how that you must address it instantly or it is considered a major infraction

hoping

hoping all went well with brother in laws bypass surgery today

whew long day stress relieved al ittle lol

long day emotionally and mentally as i went to the big c doc and thankfully got told it was lesser of two evils so to speak apparently some old scar tissue from an accident like 30 years ago is becoming an issue now go figure  only two ways to solve it is suck it up and eat the pain and let it heal on own hopefully or worst case is they have to go in and get it and remove it which means blood thinners for rest of days  and thats not me im not popping pills to survive so ill take the suck it up route  right now and just deal with the pain

perspective

wow just found out today that my brother in law need bypass surgery and sitting there thinking about that yea what im going trough is scarey but it isnt shit compared to what he is going through  so all spped to you herb keep that shit tight and real