conflicted xmas

well day started off crappy with pain in the groin area which is nothing new considering the things that could be wrong with me but of course the docs aren't finished using me as a pin cushion yet lol but now we add nausea and sharp pain in the lower rib area which totally enhances everything else but today of all days i had to as the English would say and "keep a stiff upper lip for the kids " as today is all about them and if it is my last xmas the rest of my morning was totally awesome as all i want for xmas is my kids happy and excited and i got my wish got the nominal "cheesy" gifts from the kids another coffee cup as if i needed to add to the collection and a couple of books even though im not a reader lol but they are cherished gifts none the less still a strange feeling hangs over me as i stated in previous posts that not being around certain people during the holidays for the first time in nearly 7 yrs is mind numbing and reflective causing to say the least ok gonna go vertical for a few to see if i can stem the tide so to speak a little